I know way too many young women having babies. Seriously, just about every other week when I log onto facebook I discover either a new expected birth date in someones status or a baby shower invite. In that same breath I know a lot of young women having abortions. The possibility of finding myself in this position and actually taking a pregnancy test and reading it as positive at this stage in my life scares the hell out of me. When I’m 28 and married (…that is if its God’s plan…) it will undoubtedly be one of the most beautiful days of my life. I’ll think of the most creative way to share the exciting news with my husband because I’ll know for sure that he’ll be excited…damn he might even cry…I know I’ll cry, I’m going to cry the happiest tears in the world like its a freaking Lifetime movie. So anyone that knows me well would easily tell you that the controlling perfectionist in me does not want to ruin this day. And as easily as we can take a look at someone’s decision today and tell ourselves that we would have handled it differently in truth it is a lie. We will never honestly know what our choices and plans will be until that day comes and we are truly living those thoughts and emotions because only then will they be real. 

So why do I find myself so quick to judge other people’s decisions? I’ve heard stories of women having 3-5 abortions in a time frame of 2 years. The absolute craziest things come up in conversations. A handful of women I know will admit to pondering over the possibility of entering a hospital for only one abortion. Many will say that after this one it’s all over for them…celibacy will become their new lifestyles because the idea of multiple fixes sounds a bit too destructive and somewhat traumatizing. I’ve also heard of a women in a relationship for almost three years discuss her plans. She made it very clear that she had no intentions of sharing her decision to have an abortion with the father of this possible future baby. Hearing this made me wonder if I would ever be able to hide such a huge secret from a man. One can assume their is a different level of pressure allotted to relationships versus one night stands. Being in a relationship myself, I can’t help but wonder what the likelihood would be that two people in a relationship would hold the same views on this issue. I mean in that real moment, aside from what’s been said or planned in the past. Would two people be able to handle this situation honestly and avoid the possibility of inner animosity manifesting within either individual? I can’t help but contemplate over the thought if me being her. If i chose to have an abortion would I be seen as a murderer? The rest of the world can be overlooked but what about the man that says he loves me? Is it possible that after the monthly visit from “George” and avoiding these decisions, the one month when its time to put this plan into action a part of him will forever view me as the one who killed his first born? What if I chose a different route…what if I decided to have this baby and accept my membership into the 22 and under unwed mother’s club. Would a part of him hate me for forcing such a responsibility on him…for stealing away his bachelor years? Maybe this is why women choose to keep it to themselves and hold the secret until death. I believe one day it will come out because secrets always do. Let’s say this girl grows up to marry this man. Twenty years later this secret comes out. How would he will feel? Or shall we assume, as many do that it is the woman’s decision…whatever it is it is. 

To play any role in such a compromisingly complicated issue is one nobody can ever fully prepare for. In reality, all we can do is plan and hope for the best.